When you are Single and Ready to Mingle (okay maybe not so much the latter), you will inevitably have to spend a lot of time with yourself.
And that, my friends, often entails eating out alone.
Many of my friends (male AND female) have at some point expressed this fear of being “caught” eating out alone. This is something I find rather tragic, because eating out alone can easily become one of the greatest pleasures a twentysomething can have in life.
Imagine trying to decide on where eat with someone else. This is how the conversation would go:
Person: I’m starving, let’s grab some food.
You: What do you feel like having?
Person: I dunno, whatever you want.
You: Okay how about Italian? Pasta works for me.
Person: Ugh, I had Italian food yesterday.
You: Okay, um…Thai?
Person: No absolutely no Thai. I hate Thai food.
You: Okay so you pick.
Person: How about something spicy? Sichuan food?
You: (thinking about your skin and your need to get in shape for the summer) Hmm I’d rather not have spicy food.
Person: Man… okay. Mediterranean food?
Person: Okay sure. What’s a good place? Let’s not go to that place we went last weekend.
[After half an hour of browsing through Yelp]
Person: Okayyy, so…do you want to just do Chipotle?
When you eat out alone, you wouldn’t have to put up with any of this. Think of dining and drinking whatever you want, at your own pace, not ever having to worry about all the consequences of going/not going Dutch, and ordering as much (or as little food) as you want, whatever you want, and not have to chew and talk at the same time. When done correctly, this can be a total #treatyoself experience. But, like many activities one does alone, half of the fun is in the planning and anticipation. This is how you do it.
1. Have a place in mind ahead of time.
Do your research. Walking around town and see a cute restaurant? Star it on Google Map. See a cute spot your friends raved about on Facebook? Bookmark it on Yelp. Keep a growing list of “Restaurants to Experience” so there is always something you can look forward to. You probably already do this anyway, but keep a list in the back of your mind solely for eating out alone. The best places to eat out alone in are often quieter, not so packed, and not a “great date night spot”.
The second key thing is regarding timing. It’s probably not the best idea to go eat out alone on a Friday or Saturday night, or Sunday morning for brunch, regardless of your level of self-confidence and ambition. Let’s not even talk about the couples on first dates – just the mere volume of conversation will annoy you to the point of involuntary eavesdropping. While this could totally lend itself to some fiction you’re aspiring to write (or like, a snarky Tweet), you don’t want to eat good food while feeling like a bystander. In New York, where tables are often very close to each other, I’ve had to deal with this all too many times so you don’t have to.
The third key thing is to manage your expectations. Mentally prepare yourself. I’ve found that eating out alone works best on two polar ends of a spectrum – you either go cheap and fast, or you go all the way and get fancy. Cheap and fast makes me feel happy because there is a sense of efficiency tied to accomplishment, while fancy makes me feel like I took care of myself and makes me feel warm and fuzzy. No matter what don’t try to go for something in the middle because you risk being suddenly overwhelmed by self-pity.
2. Eat
Sometimes when people eat out alone, they have their “eating out alone” gears with them spread all over the table, most often work-related, to make it seem like it wasn’t their choice to eat out alone. Don’t be like that. Embrace the silence, both in physicality and in your head, and actually taste the food, enjoy it for what it is. Too often we move too fast in this day and age–always on the run, always glued to our technology–to even recognize the value of these moments, let alone to enjoy them.
I love eating out alone because it gives me solid time to reflect on things. For once I can be still and be entirely focused on the present, without worrying about doing this or missing out on that – those things can come after I finish my meal.
3. Wrapping things up
Literally wrap things up to go. Don’t try to finish it because often portions are way too heavy at restaurants. The benefit of this is two-fold: you feel like you indulged your taste buds without so much of the guilt, and you also now have your next meal ready. I can’t speak for all foods but generally I’ve found restaurant food to actually taste better when reheated. Maybe this is psychological. (this is also why getting sushi is not recommended)
Don’t forget to tip well.
Roasted bone marrow, Parmesan-caper crust, watercress salad, toasted brioche. Celery gimlet cocktail, at Saxon + Parole NYC. @TheValoress
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Now that I’ve offered my cherished tips, if you’ve eaten out alone at a good restaurant in New York, please share the name below so I can add it to my list. Thanks!
Love,
V.
Valoress 